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Looking for girlfriend > 25 years > How to approach dating in your 30s

How to approach dating in your 30s

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AskMen may get paid if you click a link in this article and buy a product or service. Your 30s are certainly not the dating wasteland that popular culture makes them out to be, but dating in your 30s does require some deliberation and effort. For whatever reason, maybe you didn't spend your 20s submerged in the dating scene — perhaps you were focusing on your career instead, or moving around a lot, or dating simply wasn't a priority during your wild, youthful partying days. Now you've past the big mark, though, and you've decided to dip your toe into the dating waters. But it's so different to how you thought it would be — everything's online now, you're confused about whether you should hit on women in public or not, and there are new rules and codes governing every aspect of dating. It's hard to know where to even start.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: What's the Best Dating Advice For Men in Their 30s?

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Dating in your 30s as a single woman

Two Writers on the Joys of Being Single, But Also Sometimes Dating, in Your 30s

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This story is part of the Healthyish Guide to Your 30s , our best advice for how to cook, shop, date, and generally survive your best or maybe worst? A decade her junior, I read the book at I was—am—single. Glynnis : When I'm traveling, I get on Tinder or whatever the dating app in Europe is and make dates with people. My life in New York has such deep grooves to it; if I wanted to change it, it would take so much effort.

When you're traveling, you're out of those grooves, so there's much less pressure. It's just more exciting. But my most recent date was in America, in New York. It was a friend of a friend who I'd met at a dinner—it was one of those things where it's like, are we on a date? It was fine. We went on two dates, and it sort of petered out. I think in the last few years what I've realized about dating is that it's easy for me to see a date and understand that if I put some energy into it—tried a little harder, made it a little easier—I could turn some of these second and third dates into that.

But I just see the big picture, and how much work that would take, and I don't want to take that energy and put it toward this. Zan : I sometimes have conversations with people where they're like, "If you want to get married, you have to date like it's your job.

I have a job! I have a pretty demanding job that I love. Not only that, I have some fairly time-intensive hobbies that I care about, and beyond that , I have kind of a lot of friends, and making those relationships work takes time, too. So I go through these phases where I'm like, I'm gonna go on the apps and I'm gonna go on some dates.

And every time, I go on three dates. It's whatever it is, five or six hours, all told. And I think, this is just not how I want to spend my time. So one of the things that I'm working on is recognizing that I've been the arbiter of my own time since I graduated from college, so for like a decade now.

I know what I like and don't like! I'm allowed to say, I don't like doing this, and I don't want to! Glynnis : Does anyone like dating? At a certain age, when a lot of your friends have paired off and your social interactions don't bump you up against a variety of other people, you do have to make the decision to date.

The thing is that that decision gets put up against all the other decisions you're making about how you want to spend your time. And that's when dating becomes a job, in the sense of: my job is writing. I prioritize my writing because it's what I like to do, it pays my bills, and this is how I prefer to spend my time. If being in a relationship was as important to me as my job, I would carve time out for it the way I carve time out for exercise, the way I carve time out for my friends.

But then also if you are trying to date, you feel ashamed about that, because romance is "supposed" to happen magically.

The fact that we shame women for thinking about it like that is also unfair. You get to this place where maybe you do need to make a decision about if you want to be in a partnership and maybe eventually get pregnant. And it's actually fine either way, but also, you'll get shamed either way. If you're not prioritizing dating then you're a shrew, and if you are then you're desperate. Zan : I think my feelings about marriage have also changed a lot since my friends started actually getting married.

At first I found it kind of devastating; I thought, they're leaving me behind, because they have this perfect life now. But even friends who are in great marriages, stuff happens. I'd always paid lip service to the idea of "oh, marriage is hard! And going home alone is not the worst thing that could be happening to me, some nights.

Glynnis : I don't idealize it; there's some really hard things to being alone. But there's some really hard things to being in a marriage. And thinking about marriage as a solution to a woman's life leaves no room for all the ways in which your life still needs to be satisfied even if you do get married.

Because there's nothing you can do in life that's going to solve everything for you, including children and marriage. Particularly when we're so raised on storytelling, and everything being wrapped up at some point, it's easy to think: when does it get tied up so I can stop thinking about it?

The answer is: when you're dead. That's when it's all tied up. Zan : That's what you're looking forward to! It's a really scary, really hard way to think about it, to think: There's not gonna be the moment that fixes, solves or changes everything.

Glynnis : I still struggle with this. This idea that there's a solution has been so ingrained in women's heads in every way possible. The solution to your problem is to lose weight; the solution is to look younger. We are really programmed to think we are a problem and that the solution is out there if we can fill in the blank. If you want to do it, you should do it; if you don't, you don't.

And being able to step back and say: Do I want this? If I do, how do I want it to happen? Glynnis : We're in such a flux right now. Good luck out there, everyone! That's my dating advice. Good luck out there. Zan : I think that's exactly it. It's a mess. It's okay that it's a mess. You're probably not doing anything wrong. Glynnis : Every time I find myself feeling bad about my own life, I think about the centuries and centuries of women who would have committed murder to not have to go out on a date; to be able to have dinner on their own or have a paycheck that they didn't have to share, or have the amount of children they wanted or didn't want.

This is becoming my only advice in life right now: Don't make decisions out of fear or shame. That's my life advice.

What you want to know about dating in your 30s

As the rules of society evolve, thankfully, so are the rules of dating. Millennials are statistically getting married later or choosing not to get married at all. In fact, the 30s are now widely considered the beginning of the prime dating years thank you, Sex and the City. Why, you ask?

In your 20s, you dated around, kissed a few frogs, partied with your girls, survived school and got a firm grip on your career finally! The twenty-something decade is full of exploration and change—but then, you blow out 30 candles and something feels decidedly different.

Dating in your 20s is totally different than dating in your 30s. In your 30s, however, everything changes. You might want to settle down, maybe even get married and start a family. Well, mostly.

Dating in your 30s just feels different—here’s how to find what you’re looking for

Jump to navigation. Dating in your 30s takes on a different tone. As experts in the area of real relationships, EliteSingles breaks down what you want to know about being 30 and single. Dating in your 30s brings into a play a new set of rules. Here are 10 things you wish someone had told you about making the best of being single and If you play it right, the best bit is that dating in your 30s can be like having your cake and eating it too. Life is busy and adulting is demanding. There is no time to waste on dead-end dates, and you find yourself choosing quality connections over a larger quantity of good time get-togethers!

What Single Men Really Think About Dating In Their 30s

The best gossip, the deep chats… SO many of the conversations are centred around love, sex, and dating - no matter how ill-fated our exploits are at that age. And boy, are they?! The truth is though, not everyone is actually dating that young. Well at that age, she told me, she thought it was her only chance.

It is simultaneously cast as consistently fun and ultimately tragic; essential for fulfilment but only truly acceptable in the past tense.

When the show debuted in , I was just Now, when I watch it as a single woman in her 30s, it hits a little closer to home. I identify with the characters and their struggles so much more than I did before, because dating in your 30s is very different than dating in your 20s.

5 Smart Ways to Approach Dating in Your 30s

This story is part of the Healthyish Guide to Your 30s , our best advice for how to cook, shop, date, and generally survive your best or maybe worst? A decade her junior, I read the book at I was—am—single.


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