I need male attention to feel good about myself
Both men and women crave attention, at work, at school, at home and on the streets. Attention supplies us with motivation to go out and give our best so that it can in turn, fetch us more attention. Yes it is a vicious cycle. But this is how human psychology works. We are emotional beings and we look to others to validate us emotionally, now and then, while we are on a steady run struggling to keep pace with the ever deadening mechanisation of our lives. Instead, you need to go to the roots of that which pushes you to look for emotional validation aka attention.
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: The 7 Signs of Attention Seeking BehaviorContent:
I’m in Love. But I Still Crave the Attention of Other Men.
I have a desire to be adored by men. As an adolescent, these expectations ran through my head constantly. Pathetic, right? I felt happy and successful when I had at least one or two guys crushing on me. As a feminist, it pains me to admit that I got so much validation from male attention. In college, I shed some of these unhealthy needs and fell in love with someone who accepts the real me — both my beauty and my flaws.
We make each other laugh. He makes me feel desired and beautiful. Is this something all people in relationships contend with? Will I grow out of it? Is there something missing from my relationship? How do I block out societal expectations of women and continue to grow into a more genuine person who gains validation and happiness from within?
This is the mind-set that a patriarchal society enforces, one designed to keep women from defining success in ways unrelated to male adoration. It will certainly help to steer clear of entertainment that traffics in these toxic messages. How did the men and women in your family define success? What messages did you receive from friends? But the role it plays in your life is to keep you from identifying and pursuing forms of validation that derive from your intellectual, professional and creative achievements.
But the real question is who you are beyond your relationships to men. SA : What Cheryl is saying — and I second her — is that we see in your letter a person bravely reckoning with her indoctrination. These sexual, emotional and physical demands would begin to extend to social demands: payment for care of the elderly, parental leave, child care, etc. The force of female desire would be so great that society would truly have to reckon with what women want, in bed and in the world.
It involves you. It has to be killed, one feminist at a time. CS : So how do you neutralize these longings you have for validation via male sexual desire?
Only then will you see them for the false stories they are — and be able to replace them with new, true ones. Undertake a journey of self-discovery. Read feminist books, discuss your feelings with friends or a therapist, journal about the values you absorbed about gender, beauty, success, self-worth and love. The more you do, the more you will become. Home Page World U.
Do you crave constant attention from men?
I consciously choose to love and take care of myself. There are numerous women that get more attention than I do. So what? Even if I had the looks of a supermodel, basing my whole opinion of myself on what others think about my appearance would be the surest way to make myself unhappy. My time is precious.
I received an e-mail from a young woman who had an interesting perspective. She had determined, from her struggles with lust and her difficulty recovering, that she was, in fact, addicted to not just porn or lust. No, she was addicted to men themselves. I can definitely see instances where it has been present in my life. I also do not think it is unique to women struggling with pornography.
What To Do With Male Attention Addiction
You need to accept yourself. The past few years have been full of hard but necessary lessons that I needed to learn about my relationships with others—their limits, boundaries , what healthy relationships are and are not. This, of course, was futile, because we can only truly feel good about ourselves despite outside opinions. Growing up, I was always the outlier, and in a lot of ways I still am—the girl with the wild imagination and unpopular hobbies art over sports, unique tastes over trends, time alone in introspection over socializing. While I was not mistreated or neglected in any major, obvious way, the lack of attention and validation culminated over time to make me feel like a general disappointment as a human being. Even after many major accomplishments, I felt inadequate. I recently realized that I was holding onto some people not because they were friends I needed they were actually quite toxic and manipulative , but because they seemed to want or need me. They occasionally fed me a crumb of self-esteem—complimenting me, asking to spend time with me, and telling me how much they liked me. These friendships were superficial and damaging to me because of all the times they made me feel just the opposite, because they were too busy or self-absorbed and I interpreted that as a negative reflection on me.
Hey there, I’m Sim
I wrote this in response to a post from David at How to Beast. I had this problem myself for many years. Mainly, you care too much about the opinions of other people. Not only their opinions, but their approval. If you continue down this path of seeking endless validation…you will be easily used and manipulated by others, no better than a puppet on a string.
.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: How I Learned To Love Myself