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My ex girlfriend wants to meet up as friends

By Chris Seiter. He took your heart, threw it to the ground, stomped on it, and then took a sledgehammer to crush the remaining pieces to dust. Why would he want to meet up? Well, there is the obvious — you have things you need to exchange, or other business that needs to be tied up. But what if that stuff has already been taken care of? Why would an ex want to meet up?

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Should You Accept a Friendship With Your Ex?

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SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: My Ex Insists On Being Friends!

Why Would An Ex Boyfriend Want To Meet Up?

I always thought break-ups were simple affairs. Much better to take a practical approach: delete their number, block their social media accounts and purge their leftover belongings from your home. He was my best friend. We grew up together in Sydney and had one of those freakishly close relationships that only really develop during childhood. We shared everything: from school gossip to family problems. He was the first person I came out to, and I was his. We started going out in our mid-twenties when he moved back to Sydney after several years away.

The relationship was, well, complicated. Every conversation seemed to turn into an argument. I wish I could say there were good parts but the truth is, it was ugly from the start. I was vile, and he was vile back. And because we were already so close, we knew where to land our verbal punches. We lasted about 18 months. One day, after a particularly nasty fight, something between us broke for good. We both felt it.

He moved out a few days later. That hurt. I had secretly wanted him out for months, but once he was gone the flat felt empty. When we were going out I either wanted to pounce on him or punch him, but my feelings had mellowed.

That meeting made me realise how much I missed him — not as a partner, but as a friend. Although we avoided certain topics, such as dating other people, there was an easy comfort in the way we chatted. For better or for worse, I wanted him in my life and he felt the same. We agreed to give it a go. Sometimes we ran out of things to talk about and there were awkward silences. Sometimes it was tense, especially when we tried to talk about issues we had faced in the relationship.

Emotional landmines were stepped on, by accident and on purpose. We both had to learn to hold our tongues. When he first told me he was dating somebody else, I felt sick to my stomach even though I was doing the same. We were working out where our boundaries were by a process of trial and error. So we sucked it up and stuck it out for the long game.

Eventually, the tension eased - we relaxed, and let our guard down. Our conversations started to flow more naturally and we started to talk about dating other people. But with time, I got used to it and now it feels totally normal. He has the keys to my flat and comes and goes as he pleases.

We deal with difficult relationships all the time — at work, with our friends and with our families. Why should an ex be any different? Sure, not every relationship is worth the effort. I have friends who would rather wax their scrotum than go for lunch with their exes. But some people are worth investing in — and for me, B was one of them. As if you can be friends with an ex you were once in love with! When it comes to the type of love that shook you to your very core, whether it ended on good terms or broke your heart, friendship is not an option.

I learnt this the hard way. I met my ex — the great love who shoved my heart in a blender — at university. He was instantly attractive in that maddeningly generic way: tall, dark and handsome. We were a one-night stand that somehow turned into a friendship, that somehow turned into a relationship. We were together on and off for three years after we graduated, with weekends of coupled-up bliss spent holed-up in his London flat, punctuated by fierce arguments about commitment.

Our break-up was as convoluted and protracted as our time together: full of false starts and regretful make-ups. That said, when we ended our romantic entanglement, we agreed that the friendship that had initially kick-started our relationship was worth saving. Our so-called terms included telling each other when a future romantic exploit was growing into something serious.

I should have known it was doomed from the outset. Plus everyone — from parents to friends — told me we were heading for disaster. Shortly after our break-up, I went into hospital for a jaw operation. My ex visited me, and brought flowers. This moved me — but not in the way you should be when a mate brings you flowers.

My heart jumped the way it does when that person you fancy does something nice for you. And without realising it, I was soon analysing his every move as if he was still a romantic prospect.

I was jealous when he mentioned girls, I was hopeful when he called. It's because so much of our relationship remained unchanged. Navigating the shift from couple to mates was weirdly easy because the only thing we had stopped doing was anything physical — besides those lingering hugs. We still shared a Netflix account, we still messaged each other all day every day, we still spoke for hours on the phone.

I had started dating other people, and true to our promise, I could only assume he may have been doing the same — but with no serious prospects. And, ultimately, that is what we were doing: pretending. Of course, this all came crashing down six months into our friendship.

I stammered through a response, saying I had no idea. He is not my best friend whose new relationship I am thrilled about. He is my ex-boyfriend who has a new girlfriend I knew nothing about. I am not thrilled for him, like a good mate should be - I am devastated, like a woman who is still in love with him. I ended our friendship the next day.

He was upset and admitted that he had kept the relationship a secret, despite the fact it had become serious, because he had wanted to keep our friendship going. That was touching, yet further proof of how toxic our faux friendship had become.

However, ending it was also one of the best decisions of my life. The connection I had with my ex was too deep, too problematic and too fraught with romantic tension to ever be a friendship. What our abortive attempt at being pals taught me was that trying to transform a relationship like that into a smooth-sailing, supportive friendship, is impossible - it does nothing but draw out and prolong the pain of breaking up.

Today, my ex is a person I only text on his birthday. He does the same with me. Understanding that is the first step to getting over someone. Because, if you loved them like that, you were never truly just friends, so why on Earth would you start now?

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Copy this link. And for a short while, it worked. Vicky Leta. Over the next few months, we met up regularly. Robbie Harb.

Marie-Claire Chappet, Marie-Claire Chappet. Heartbreak Holiday: 'We broke up on the flight'. Inside the toxic world of wedding shaming. Join the discussion Get involved and have your say by leaving a comment. To use comments you will need to have JavaScript enabled. Removed comment. Green Eyed Boy 27 Jan The comments on here seem to fall quite clearly into the obvious two camps. As someone already said there are no rules here. It depends on personalities and circumstances.

Here’s What To Do If Your Ex Wants To Stay Friends And You Don’t

Confuses Xper 3. So my ex dumped me just over 2 weeks ago. She said things just weren't the same anymore. Out of the blue.

By Chris Seiter. When you enter the No Contact period, you may feel like your first contact, let alone a meet up, will never happen.

I always thought break-ups were simple affairs. Much better to take a practical approach: delete their number, block their social media accounts and purge their leftover belongings from your home. He was my best friend. We grew up together in Sydney and had one of those freakishly close relationships that only really develop during childhood. We shared everything: from school gossip to family problems.

Meeting Up With An Ex Can Backfire!

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My ex wants to stay friends, what should I do ?

And if the answer is yes, you may want to lower your expectations of the meetup and postpone it for a few months. Your ex might not even be interested in reconciliation and may only want to assuage his or her guilt or talk to you about something that no longer concerns you. So instead of meeting up with an ex shortly after the breakup, it might be in your best interest to avoid unnecessary stress and anxiety and stay in no contact. They very rarely do, so try not to get overwhelmed with false hope and continue progressing through the 5 stages of a breakup for the dumpee.

No need to deny it. And what generally are the signs that a girl wants you back, and will come back?

After a breakup , there are usually two types of situations. There is a type of relationship between exes that you may not have been expecting. There is no more love between you but you realize your ex wants to stay friends… and a friendship begins to blossom.

When Your Ex Girlfriend Still Wants to Be Friends After She Dumps You

Go to Page Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. About a month ago after several weeks of no contact, my ex-girlfriend had contacted me for an odd reason and continued the conversation to include the usual topics, "what have you been up to," and "how are you," etc.

While some may say being best friends with an ex is a badge of honor, you need to do what's best for you. But navigating how to communicate with an ex can be tricky territory, regardless of whether you want them to stay in your life or not. First of all, forgive yourself for wanting to move on. If you don't want to stay friends then do not doubt your feelings," psychologist Dr. Mindy Beth Lipson tells Bustle. You'll just have to figure out the right way to then communicate these feelings to your ex.

Can you ever be best friends with an ex?

By Chris Seiter. Hey, lets just be honest here. Being in the friend zone really sucks and it is going to take some serious smarts to work your way out of it. In the next 30 minutes I am going to teach you how to get out of the friend zone if you have been placed there and what to do to increase your chances of getting your girlfriend back. Because I write a lot and I go into amazing depth.

Looks like you just answered your own question my friend. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend 2 months ago and she wants to keep contact with  Jun 30, - 50 posts - ‎35 authors.

Here are 5 questions to answer to get clear on whether you are ready and can actually get her back:. For example: If a guy was too emotionally sensitive, got upset about the setbacks in his life and whined about his feelings to his woman, then to earn back her respect, he needs to show her that he is now emotionally stronger and better able to handle his emotions around her e. Another example is where a guy stopped making his woman feel feminine and girly in his presence and instead fell into the habit of treating her more like a friend or worse, making her feel like she was the more emotionally dominant one in the relationship. Once you understand what she really wants you to change about yourself to be able to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, it then becomes easier for you to get her back.

Your Ex Girlfriend Just Wants To Be Friends…. Now What?

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