My girlfriends jealousy is ruining our relationship
Frequently, I am asked how to handle irrational jealous feelings. Usually, the individual recognizes that her feelings are unreasonable with no valid evidence but feels incapable of controlling the jealousy. In addition, the person usually recognizes the destructive nature of indulging in the feelings and the resulting behavior. Such behavior typically involves excessive questioning of her spouse, suspiciousness, and accusations. Many spouses become extremely frustrated with this behavior because they have no way of proving their faithfulness.
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She’s so jealous that she is killing our relationship
A survey of therapists revealed that jealousy was the major problem in one-third of all clients seeking psychotherapy. Makes sense when you consider that it's one of the most complex and intense human emotions.
Born of a cocktail of frustration, suspicion, envy, and sadness, jealousy can tempt you into totally irrational behavior, which you, in a better state of mind, would never consider or condone. At the core, jealousy stems from insecurity. Talking about insecurity is one of the most vulnerable things a person can do. It's admitting to a belief that you are inadequate. It is never easy. But within a loving, supportive relationship, it will only ever change things for the better.
On the other hand, if the issue of jealousy isn't resolved, your relationship will inevitably fail. Sometimes the cause of jealousy is not your partner but an internal experience you have not properly dealt with. With that in mind, here are five strategies to help you combat jealousy and instead build and nurture your relationship:. We do it because we think it'll make us feel better, but more often, it leads to feelings of low self-esteem and inadequacy, which are major causes of jealousy.
Help each other remove any feelings of self-doubt. Continually acknowledge when your partner does something you appreciate, and affirm the positives that you see in each other. While avoiding unproductive criticism is important in a relationship, positive affirmations are just as crucial to helping each other feel confident, valued, and staving off jealousy. Think about the funny quirks, mannerisms, habits, and traits of your partner that make him adorable and irreplaceable.
You'll always be able to argue that someone else is "better" in one way or another, but there will never be anyone quite like your partner.
We love surprises. But not all the time. A healthy, monogamous relationship means you see your partner as an anchor for consistency, and you redirect your need for variety. Misdirecting your needs — looking for spontaneity and variety in a new partner, rather than with your current partner — will lead to feelings of jealousy. When you aren't satisfied with the familiarity you'll inevitably get in a relationship, pushing the boundaries of flirting and "keeping options open" becomes an attractive alternative.
It might also be time to consider that perhaps your partner is not the right person for you. Acknowledge these paradoxical needs and direct them appropriately.
Sometimes jealousy is justified, but more frequently, it is irrational. Disconnect them from the situation that triggered them, and then evaluate whether your emotional responses are valid.
Does your response align with the situation? Remember that correlation does not always imply causation. Jealousy can arise from a number of "unreasonable" sources and then be projected onto your partner.
Getting to the root cause means exploring any internal issues you might carry before you bring up the issue with your partner. If someone doesn't feel appreciated, it can lead to a fear of being replaced — one of the major causes of jealousy. In the popular book The Five Love Languages , Gary Chapman outlined five different ways we express and experience love: giving each other gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and physical touch.
Just as you and your partner have different personalities, you also have different ways of expressing and experiencing love. And part of loving your partner well is to show love in the way he or she feels it most profoundly. Communication is the only way to deal with these issues and to make sure you're on the same page.
Swallowing your feelings only leads to passive-aggressive behavior. Talk openly and directly to one another about your feelings. Agree to withhold any judgment about how your partner feels. Once you know what your boundaries are — what upsets you, what makes you jealous and uncomfortable — you can know where to draw lines, and then work through any issues that arise.
If you feel like this issue might be too big for you to deal with alone, therapy is always an option. Taking the necessary steps to heal yourself so you can experience true, lasting intimacy is a pursuit worth all the time and effort you can give. Healing is possible. Ready to learn how to fight inflammation and address autoimmune disease through the power of food? You are now subscribed Be on the lookout for a welcome email in your inbox! Main Navigation. Jealousy Is Ruining Your Relationship.
Here's How To Stop. Log in Profile. Saved Articles. Contact Support. Log Out. Your cart is empty. Our online classes and training programs allow you to learn from experts from anywhere in the world. Explore Classes. Written by Thai Nguyen. Our editors have independently chosen the products listed on this page.
If you purchase something mentioned in this article, we may earn a small commission. Share on:. Article continues below. Acknowledge, affirm, and appreciate. Understand your need for variety and consistency. Explore the root of your jealousy. Practice communication, and clarify your boundaries. Thai Nguyen. Thai is a perpetual student and teacher. He is currently working on two Masters degrees — one in Mental Health, and the other in Theology. He enjoys sharing everything he learns on The More On This Topic Love.
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11 Signs Your Partner Has Unhealthy Jealousy
A survey of therapists revealed that jealousy was the major problem in one-third of all clients seeking psychotherapy. Makes sense when you consider that it's one of the most complex and intense human emotions. Born of a cocktail of frustration, suspicion, envy, and sadness, jealousy can tempt you into totally irrational behavior, which you, in a better state of mind, would never consider or condone. At the core, jealousy stems from insecurity.
Jealousy can be a powerful and painful emotion, and this negative emotion can end almost any relationship. If left untreated, jealousy can create a permanent wedge between you and your partner, while negatively affecting future relationships. Jealousy basically arises from insecurity within oneself and not trusting your partner. In fact, envy and jealousy are similar. However, jealousy involves a sense of possessiveness and entitlement whereas an envious person covets what another person possesses—their possessions, positions, privileges or who they are as a person their looks.
Is jealousy ruining your relationship?
In my last relationship, I turned into a jealous monster who lost her damn mind over some pretty ridiculous things. It definitely destroyed the relationship and after it was over, I vowed to never let myself become so unrecognizable again. Here are 10 things that used to turn me into a jealous psycho and how I learned to get a grip :. His female friends. His exes. My jealousy with his female friends was bad enough, but then I had to add in the fact that he stayed friends with a lot of his exes. I know, this should have been a red flag instead of a green-eye. My now-husband has since taught me that most exes are exes for a reason and if you respect your partner, they stay in your past. His family. My ex had a bizarre, almost child-like relationship with his mother that drove me nuts.
Why Jealousy Will Ruin Your Relationship
Acting overbearing and possessive can change a loving relationship into one filled with envy, terror and control. Possessiveness comes from feelings of insecurity in a relationship. This person doubts the other out of his or her own negative feelings and, as a result, will become consumed with jealousy. This jealousy will grow into control.
If you are in a relationship, it is natural to feel a little jealous at times, especially if you have very strong feelings for your partner. Occasional jealousy is okay and may even add a little excitement and zest to the relationship. But what to do when this jealousy becomes more frequent and intense and even overwhelming? The common evolutionary explanation for jealousy is that men fear sexual infidelity as they want to be absolutely certain that their offspring is actually theirs.
Signs Your Girlfriend Is Too Jealous
Jealousy can pretty much be the worst, and I feel like there's no such thing as good jealousy or bad jealousy — if it's jealousy, it's not awesome. That being said, there are certain signs that your partner has unhealthy jealousy , and this type of jealousy can really corrode the very fabric of your relationship and make everything just totally suck in your daily life. You shouldn't be doing things to spark jealous feelings in your partner, and they should trust you enough that they shouldn't get upset if your phone dies and they don't know where you are, or if you spend the day with someone they don't know very well. But jealousy does happen, and unhealthy jealousy is a very real thing.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Dealing With Relationship Insecurity - 10 Tips To Handle Insecurity
J ealousy. Jealousy can be defined as the vigilant maintaining or guarding of something. Normal jealousy is a pang that comes on in an instant, one which we can usually dismiss on our own. Unhealthy jealous behavior happens when we indulge that feeling and act impulsively from a place of suspicion and insecurity. People that are prone to intense jealousy or possessiveness often harbor feelings of inadequacy or inferiority and have a tendency to compare themselves to others.
Unhealthy Relationship Behaviors Series: Jealousy
Jealousy can rear its head in any relationship. Jealousy can cause you to experience a range of feelings, from insecurity and suspicion to rejection, fear, anger or anxiety. If you think jealousy might be an issue in your relationship, here are my top tips for recognising it — and taking steps towards addressing it. You might feel rational one minute and then completely irrational the next. You might start to believe irrational thoughts which you know deep down cannot be true. You may feel an overwhelming need to stay connected with your partner - wanting to know where they are and what they're doing at all times. Jealousy can have a poisonous effect on a relationship. The receiving partner is likely to resent having so little trust put in them, and may begin to feel suffocated or controlled.
Try these: time management relationship advice healthy lifestyle money wealth success leadership psychology. When your relationship is based on trust, it serves as a lifeboat, anchor and sail that keeps you afloat, secure and filled with purpose. When jealousy corrodes the trust and respect in your partnership, the relationship becomes a weight that hinders personal progress. Understanding how to stop being jealous in a relationship is a prerequisite for a healthy union.
When we go out together, my partner thinks that I'm looking at every woman in the place. We live in a third-floor flat and if I am facing the window and talking to her, she keeps checking to make sure that I am not looking at someone across the way. She is very special to me, but she is killing our relationship.
A little bit of envy here and there is human nature. But what happens when jealousy is more than just a fleeting thought? Pathological jealousy can quickly tarnish a relationship. Look for cues on what upsets your significant other.